It's all good . . .

Follow the Prophet

Last night, there was a special Worldwide Devotional for the Youth with the prophet, President Nelson, and his wife, Wendy.  We had all been looking forward to it for months, and it did not disappoint, and it was made even more special because we hosted the youth in our home to watch it.  (If you would like to find the broadcast and listen to it or watch it, you can find it here, on lds.org)  Sister Nelson spoke first, and her talk was wonderful.  Here are a few of my favorite parts of her talk:

My dear brothers and sisters, it’s time to stop comparing ourselves with others. It’s time to put away those erroneous views of ourselves and others. The truth is that we are not as hopelessly flawed as we may think, and others are not as perfect as they may appear—all except, of course, our Savior, Jesus Christ.

The only thing that really matters is that you and I are doing exactly what we committed—even covenanted—premortally with our Heavenly Father we would do while we are here on earth.

Now, here’s another thing I invite you to think about. I like to imagine that each of us came to earth with a scroll attached to our spirits entitled “Things to Do While on Earth.”

Let’s talk about what might be on that scroll. Let’s talk about five of the things surely written on your scroll according to the gospel of Jesus Christ.

First, you came to receive a mortal body. And that, my friends, is a really big deal.

Second, you came to be tested. By the way, have you noticed that our testing often involves learning to control our bodies’ appetites and passions, which can sometimes get way out of control? 

A third thing to do while on earth: choose to follow Jesus Christ and stand up for Him, just as you did premortally.

Fourth, choose to repent daily and partake of the sacrament weekly. As you do, you will be spiritually healed, strengthened and magnified, and ultimately sanctified and exalted through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

Now, here is a fifth item on your list: find and fulfill your mortal missions. My dear friends, premortally you and I were each given wonderful missions to fulfill while we are here on earth.

We have opportunities to fulfill our mortal missions, but we don’t have to. No one will make us. We have our agency to choose how we spend our time and energy, our talents and resources. In fact, whatwe choose to do is actually part of our testing.

There were so many wonderful things for each of us to think about from her talk - not just the youth.  Then President Nelson spoke.  Listening to a Prophet of God is an amazing thing, and as he talked to the youth about their divine nature and responsibilities, and he gave them some amazing challenges to take part in the gathering of Israel.  He started things off with telling them this:

I promise you—not the person sitting next to you, but you—that, wherever you are in the world, wherever you are on the covenant path—even if, at this moment, you are not centered on the path—I promise you that if you will sincerely and persistently do the spiritual work needed to develop the crucial, spiritual skill of learning how to hear the whisperings of the Holy Ghost, you will have all the direction you will ever need in your life. You will be given answers to your questions in the Lord’s own way and in His own time.

What an amazing promise!  He then went on to say:

Would you like to be a big part of the greatest challenge, the greatest cause, and the greatest work on earth today?

Would you like to help gather Israel during these precious latter days? Would you, who are the elect, be willing to help find the elect who have not heard the message of the restored gospel? Would you like to be among those “swift messengers” of whom the prophet Isaiah spoke?⁵

Now, participating in the gathering of Israel will require some sacrifice on your part. It may even require some changes in your life. It will definitely take some of your time and energy and your God-given talents. Are you interested?

After teaching more about this, he ended by giving the youth a specific challenge:

Now, let me summarize by reviewing my five invitations for you to enlist in the Lord’s youth battalion to help gather Israel:

1. Hold a seven-day fast from social media.

2. Make a weekly sacrifice of time to the Lord for three weeks.

3. Keep on the covenant path. If you are off, repent and get back on the path.

4. Pray daily that all of God’s children might receive the blessings of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

5. Stand out. Be different. Be a light. Give to a friend one copy of the booklet For the Strength of Youth.

It was such a fabulous night, and I loved getting to share it with Lily and Derek.  Kevin and I decided to take the challenge as well, including the part about staying off of Social Media for seven days (especially since Lily and Derek aren't on social media).  I know that as we follow the counsel and direction from our Prophet, that we will be guided and directed back to our Father in Heaven.

A Special Day for Derek

On Saturday, we had a very special day for our family.  Now that Derek is twelve and has the priesthood, he gets to go to the temple to do baptisms for his ancestors who have passed on without having the opportunity to be baptized.  It is such a wonderful experience, and it means that he has his own temple recommend and gets to go inside the temple.

We made a special trip to the Washington DC Temple for Kevin to take him, and Lily, to do baptisms.  Derek was so very excited!  On our way there, Kevin drove the way in that takes you past the temple first.  It is amazing how it just sits above the highway, and all three kids burst with excitement when they saw it.

As we drove there through the DC traffic, I worked on editing pictures from Sierra's wedding.  Wedding portraits take A LOT of time to edit, and so I was trying to get it in whenever I could.

While Kevin took the older kids in the temple, Arthur and I hung out together.

It was a bitterly cold day, and so we spent all our time inside the visitor's center - even though Arthur wanted to wander around outside.  

We got to watch some cool movies, see displays, and one of Arthur's favorite things, was the Book of Mormon video, where you looked up different scriptures throughout it.  He was so cute holding his book and following along.  We had a great time.

After they were done in the temple, we went and got some lunch as a family, stopped at Costco, and then headed home.  It was a wonderful day, and a huge day for Derek.

 

Farewell to President Monson

On January 2nd, President Thomas S. Monson died at 90 years old.  He has been the prophet of my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, for the past ten years, but has been an apostle for longer than I have been alive.  He was an amazing man, and I am so grateful for all the opportunities I had to hear his words over the years.  

When I was a missionary and was training in the MTC, I got to hear him speak in person.  It was so amazing to feel of the spirit he had with him, and one of the most fun things happened when he finished his prepared message.  He looked out at all of us missionaries, said that he didn't feel like leaving yet, and proceeded to tell us stories about his life for the next hour.  It was amazing!

And today, was his funeral.  It was a beautiful funeral, with so many wonderful stories from his life of service, as well as wonderful words of hope.  I am grateful that they broadcast it, so that I could be a part of it - even from my bedroom while I edited wedding pictures.

I am so grateful for a living prophet on the earth, and I am so grateful for all the years I have had learning from President Monson - an amazing man, and a prophet of God.

Not Quite Superwoman

Sometimes it baffles me how people see me.  I have been told many times that I am "Superwoman," and that they don't know how I do it all.  That I am "amazing".  They see my strengths and think that I "always have it all together."  If only they knew the truth.  I am not quite Superwoman.  In fact, I am very far from it.  Although I do appear to have it all together and to be super organized, if you peek behind the curtain, just like the Wizard of Oz, you will see the truth.  

You will see that the OCD organized part of me is a strategy to help me stay sane.  Without my three different calendars, twenty alarms and reminders on my phone, and copious lists, I would be lost.  That I find it difficult to hold a thought in my head for a few minutes, and so if I don't write it down, it doesn't happen.  That the reason I am on time or early for everything, is because the anxiety of being late will throw me into a panic attack.  On the outside, this makes me appear to be fantastically organized, in reality, it is how I survive.

One of my problems is that many of my talents and strengths are highly visible.  Most of my weaknesses are things that are not.  If only you could see inside my head and heart, you would know the truth.  You would know that I have had struggles with anxiety and panic attacks for years, and the stubborn part of me that thought I could handle it, kept me from getting the help I needed, even though I was on the brink of a total breakdown and depression.  Luckily, I did eventually get help and take medication for my anxiety and for the stress induced stomach issues I have had for years.  This is a part of me that people do not see.

Most people see the well put together persona that I am in public, but don't see my lack of patience and my quick temper.  When I get anxious, I get angry, and unfortunately my husband children get to see this side of me, when no one else does.  And it breaks my heart.  It breaks my heart that the people I love the most are the ones that feel my frustration when my perfectionist side is not appeased, or when I am overwhelmed and about to break.  On Kevin's last deployment in the Army, I was hanging by a thread, and I was actually hoarse from too much yelling at my older kids, since I had to use every ounce of my patience on my four month old baby.  Superwoman would be ashamed.  I know that I am.

Some people look at my, for the most part, well organized and clean home and wonder how I do it. They don't know the daily struggle I have to "let things go," since it will never be perfect.  The deep breaths I have to take when I force myself to walk by a mess, reminding myself that other things are much more important.  Or the way a messy or cluttered house makes me feel overwhelmed and oppressed. They look at my flower garden in amazement, not knowing that it is my healing and happy place, and that I really don't know what I'm doing, but the joy I get from working and fumbling around in my garden, helps keep me sane.

One of my greatest weaknesses is that I tend to live in denial.  I have a little box in the back of my brain where I tuck away my struggles, my fears, my worries.  I try to lock it up tight, so that I can survive and move forward.  I try to deal with things logically  and with a plan, not letting myself feel so many of the things I am struggling with.  I put them in the box, and go forward, but this often backfires, and is probably at the heart of my panic attacks and anxiety.  Because although I think the box is locked up tight, at the tiniest bit of pressure, it explodes open like a Jack-in-the-Box, and I am overwhelmed.  Suddenly I am feeling it all - the fear I felt for my husband when he was deployed (even years later), the heartache as what I see as failures in my parenting, or my struggles to be a good wife and partner to my husband, my sorrow for my daddy who has Alzheimer's, my pain for my brother with cancer, the heartache I feel at living so far from family and often feeling forgotten by those I love most, and so on, and so forth.  

"Superwoman" crumbles, and although is very grateful for a loving and supportive husband, is longing for a friend to call and see how she is doing.  To check on her, and make sure she is okay.  Years ago, I heard someone say that I don't need any help, because I've got it together.  That I don't need visiting teachers to visit me from church, because I am just fine.  They didn't know the loneliness and depression I was buried under at the time.  They just saw the "Superwoman," who got her two kids to church and served as primary president, even though her husband wasn't around.  They couldn't see my heart, and how much I desperately needed them, but could not ask for help.

And so yes, I am definitely not Superwoman.  None of us are.  We all have our strengths, and we all have our weaknesses.  But luckily for me, even when I am at my weakest, I am not alone.  I have my Savior, Jesus Christ.  He can lift me up out of the burdens of life, and help me bear them.  He can help me see past my own heartache, to look outside myself for ways to lift and serve others.  He atoned for my sins, so that even though I fall well short of perfection, He makes up the difference to bridge the gap between me and my Father in Heaven.  I am not perfect, but I am not alone.  I am not Superwoman, but luckily, I don't need to be.

A Special Day at the Priesthood Restoration Site

When we first moved to Pennsylvania, I noticed that we were near the Susquehanna River, lived just off the Susquehanna Trail, and a few other things that made me think that we must live pretty close to the Priesthood Restoration Site that was dedicated not too long ago.  I really wanted to go, but we discovered that it was about 3 1/2 hours away, since it is at the top of the state, and we live at the bottom, and life was pretty crazy for quite a while.

Now that things are so much more settled, I was looking for a time we could go - especially since Derek turns 12 in December and will be ordained to the Aaronic Priesthood.  So when I noticed that the kids and Kevin all had Columbus Day off of school, we decided to go, and I am so glad we did.  It was a wonderful, albeit a little rainy, day.

We left around 7am, and drove through a rainstorm, which slowed us down a bit, but it's all good.  We went to the visitor's center first, and it was really cool.  The kids especially loved turning the wagon wheel to make the carriage get to its destination, and the barrel full of beans where they showed how Joseph hid the Golden Plates to keep them safe.  While there, we also watched a really fabulous movie about the translation of The Book of Mormon, and what led to restoration of the priesthood.

After the visitor's center, it was time for our tour of the home of Emma and Joseph Smith, as well as the home of Emma's parents.

The Hale home was lovely, and had been beautifully restored.  The kids were especially intrigued by the "courting candles," where a father could set how long a suitor could stay, by how he adjusted the candle.

Both homes kitchens were settings for the translation of The Book of Mormon, first in the Hale home, before Jospeh and Emma had a home of their own, and then later in their own small home.  They had a box similar to what Joseph stored the plates in, and the kids had a good time trying to lift it - it was quite heavy.  I was amazed at how the translation was all done in a room that was always busy and bustling.  

After touring the homes, we were free to wander the rest of the grounds on our own, and so we headed over to see a beautiful monument that had been erected back in the early 1960's.

Then we headed to the small cemetery, to find the grave of Jospeh and Emma's first infant son.  He was the first of many babies that they lost, and it was so sad.

Next, we made our way back to the visitor's center, where they have beautiful statues representing when John the Baptist appeared and ordained Joseph and Oliver with the Aaronic Priesthood, and when Peter James and John restored the Melchizedek Priesthood.  (To read more about this, go here.)

The visitation of John the Baptist, and later Peter James and John, happened in the woods nearby, and so we took a walk through the paths through the woods.  There was a wonderful spirit there, and it was just beautiful.  The leaves were turning, and there were bunches of Black-eyed Susan's growing along the sides of the paths in many places.  So pretty!

Our very last stop, was going down by the river.  It is a couple minute drive from the visitor's center to the path that takes you there, and it is beautiful.

It was amazing to think that the first baptisms of the restoration took place in this very spot.  So beautiful and peaceful, and such amazing events took place here, at the Susquehanna River.

It was a wonderful family field trip, and I am so glad we made the effort to go.  I almost decided not to, when I saw how rainy it was supposed to be - so glad I didn't give in, because it was so worth it.  We all learned a lot, and it was so amazing to be in the spots where so many important events took place in the history of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I am so grateful for Joseph Smith, and all he did and sacrificed to help bring about the restoration of Christ's church in the latter days.  And I am so grateful to have had this experience with my family.

Conference Weekend

General Conference weekend is something that I truly look forward to every six months - I love listening to the speakers and learning and being uplifted.  One of the little side things I love while watching conference, is getting to see the beautiful shots of the Salt Lake Temple and Temple Square.  Kevin and I were married in the Salt Lake Temple, and it has a special place in my heart.

Although our conference weekend started off a little differently than usual (with our Hershey Park trip on Saturday), we got right back to our normal routine on Sunday morning.  We had to catch up on a session we missed on Saturday, and so we watched it first thing, and I made cinnamon rolls - yum!  It ended up being a late breakfast, and then for a late lunch/early dinner, I made bacon chowder.

It is always a delicate balance, during General Conference, of getting the kids to listen, keeping them somewhat engaged in what they are hearing, but also giving them something to do with their hands.  For the older kids, I try and have them take notes, and we have tried lots of things over the years - conference bingo, reverence tents, etc.  This year, I forgot to plan anything, and so we brought out the Legos, and we just had a rule that they had to "dig quietly" in the lego containers ;).

When I wasn't making food, I was working on my family history/blog posts, and writing my conference journal - I listen much better when my hands are busy.  And while Kevin was listening, he was sewing his amazing Halloween costume.  Just wait until you see it.  And we tried to keep Arthur as quiet as possible, so we could actually hear  . 

It was a wonderful weekend listening to the apostles, and I was so glad to share it with my family.  My heart is overflowing with the teachings I heard.

**One sad note to the weekend, was when Elder Robert D. Hales, one of the twelve apostles, died in-between the two Sunday sessions.  I love all the apostles, but he had a special place in my heart, as he was the only apostle that I really met (other than a handshake or seeing them from afar). He came to Jerusalem when I was there doing a study abroad, and I still remember sitting around a table in the dining hall with him and his wife, and listening to their stories. (He jokingly said, "Chocolate should be against the word of wisdom, because I like it too much."  And his sweet wife shared her dinner roll with me.) He was an amazing man, and true apostle of Jesus Christ.

The Philadelphia Temple and a Tender Mercy

A year ago, almost exactly, the Philadelphia Pennsylvania Temple was dedicated.  Ever since then, I have wanted to have a beautiful picture of the temple for our living room.  Back in December, when my brother, Matthew, came to visit, we went to Philly and I got some lovely pictures - and one really fabulous shot.  But part of me was always a little sad that in the pictures, the trees were bare and that it was winter.  I have been wanting to have a chance to get some new shots of the temple, but every time I have been in Philadelphia, it was raining, or too sunny, or too dark, or not enough time.

So, when I went to Philadelphia on Saturday, I was praying that it would work out to get some beautiful pictures.  And my prayers were answered.  That morning, when we first arrived, I was able to get some nice shots, but I didn't think any of them were better than the one I already had.

But as were walking back to the temple, later that afternoon, I was given a gift.  The lighting was amazing, and I saw an amazing angle that I could get, coming from the direction we had been walking.  It was just the shot that I wanted - that I had dreamed of getting.  And it may have meant that I was hanging onto a fence on a freeway overpass, but it was worth it.  I had my winner!

I loved the rest of my pictures as well, and I felt so blessed to get the picture that I had been praying for.

Tender Mercies

Yesterday was a hard day.  Actually, yesterday I had a bad experience that turned a normal day into a bit of a crisis in an instant. I was driving to Derek's school to pick him up for guitar lessons, just like I do every Wednesday.  I always have his guitar in the car, but this time I also had his teacher's bass guitar - which wasn't in a case.  

It all started when I missed the turn I usually take. Because of that, I had two extra sharp turns, which made the guitars fall over.  I reached my right hand out to catch the guitars, which were falling over on top of Arthur - to protect both Arthur and the guitars - and I pulled the steering wheel just a tad - just enough for my front tire to hit the curb.  And my tire exploded.  I mean, EXPLODED.  A loud scary sound and a completely flat, ruined tire.

I was in shock, Arthur was screaming, and I pulled over, turned on my hazard lights and sat there for a minute.  I said a prayer, and then I got out of my car and took a look at my shredded tire.  I was still a bit in shock and shaking, and so I called Kevin to see where he was on his commute, and he was stuck in horrible traffic, and so he would not be home in time to help me.  He told me to call roadside assistance, and I did, but they weren't going to be able to get to me until almost 5pm.  It was 3pm.

I sat in the car for another few minutes, and then I decided to just try and take care of it all on my own.  But you should know, I have never changed a tire, or even learned how.  I pulled out my owner's manual, opened the back of the van, and tried to figure out how on earth to get the jack and the spare tire out of the car, all the while, on my mind were the following problems:

1. There was no way on earth we were going to make it to Derek's guitar lesson.  I needed to call and cancel.
2. I was pulled over by the side of the school, but Derek would be looking for me in the pick-up line and I needed to let him know to get to me.
3. Arthur was still screaming and crying, and I couldn't get him to calm down.
4. How/where/when was I going to get a new tire?
5. How was I going to make dinner? Or feed my family at all?
6. Did I need to also cancel piano lessons too?
7. If I didn't get a tire by the end of the day, I was going to miss important appointments the next day.
8. And for goodness sake, how was I supposed to remove the stupid jack from the car - there were no instructions for that in the manual.

I stopped what I was doing and called the school to let them know what had happened, and ask them to tell Derek to come to me.  Once I got off the phone, I tried again to get that stupid jack out of the car.  And then a man walked up to me and asked if I needed help.  And suddenly I could breathe again.  

He was there to pick up his son from school, and stopped what he was doing to help me.  He got the jack out and the spare and went to work on the car.  Then I got a text on my phone from my next door neighbor, who was picking up her daughter, and saw me on the side of the road.  Cathy said she would take Arthur home for me (as he was still hysterical) so that Lily could watch him. Then, just as she pulled up to get Arthur, the principal walked Derek over to me, and he was able to go home with her as well.  Three miracles in a row.

I never did get the man's name, but he not only helped me get the pare on my van, but when it was flat, he followed me to the gas station and helped me fill it with air.  And then he told me about a tire place nearby that was open until five (it was 4:15 at this point) that sold used tires.  Wow.  

By this time, Kevin had made it home from work, and so he was holding down the fort while I called the tire place to see if they could get me in.  Not only did they fit me in, but they had a used tire exactly like mine and with very similar tread, so that it would wear the same.  By 5pm, I had a new tire and was ready to go.

I called Kevin, he loaded up the kids and met us in Red Lion, the town where Lily and Derek have their piano lessons, and we went to Sonic for dinner.  After we ate, he took Arthur home, and the older two went with me to their piano lessons.  When I got to their lessons, I finally had a second to think, and so I took a walk around the neighborhood.  

The trees have just exploded with blossoms this past week, and as I walked around enjoying the beautiful blossoms and wonderful weather, I thought about how the Lord had blessed me.  I had a split second choice, that turned into a bad situation, but the Lord took that bad situation, and he sent tender mercies my way to help and bless myself and my family.  From the nice stranger, to my neighbor, to the tire shop, etc, etc.  (Oh, and Derek's guitar teacher let him come today instead.)

We all have trials in our life, but if we look, we can find the tender mercies of the Lord, as he sends us help to strengthen us.  We don't have to deal with hard things on our own - He is there for us, and will help us make it through whatever it is we may be facing - even a tire blow-out ;).

Philadelphia Temple Trip

One thing that Lily has really been missing since we moved away from Idaho, are her weekly trips to do baptisms at the Twin Falls Temple with her dad, and so she was so excited to have a youth temple trip scheduled.  With the Philadelphia Temple dedicated, on Saturday, our youth went there to do baptisms.

Lily loved getting to be there with her friends, especially her friend Ryley, who was able to go for the first time, since she just turned twelve.  Her young women's group is small, but it is a great group of girls.

And Lily loved to have her dad along with her.  Kevin loves helping at youth temple trips, and he loved getting to be there with Lily.

While the two of them were off on the Temple Trip, I was back at home watching some of our friends', Ryan and and Ashley's kids, so they could be with Ryley on her first temple trip.  My boys were having a great time with them, and when I found out that they hadn't seen Star Wars before, it turned into a fun movie adventure :).  Good times!

Spring Break Adventures - Part 2

On Tuesday of spring break, the kids had an early piano lesson, and then we hit the road and headed to Orem, Utah to visit our friends, Tony and Katie.  I was coming to take their daughter, Sabra's, senior portraits.  When we arrived, it was cold and cloudy, and threatening snow/rain.  And the next night, the weather was supposed to be even worse, and so even though the weather wasn't great, we headed out to take pictures anyway.

It may have been freezing, but the pictures turned out gorgeous.  It helps that Sabra is so beautiful (she isn't even wearing any make-up!).

We took some of the pictures at the Provo City Center Temple, and it was gorgeous.

Then we went to American Fork and took more pictures across the street from the Timpanogas Temple.  It was so beautiful!  Especially with a touch of snow on the mountain behind it.

After taking the portraits, we had dinner, and then played pinochle until late that night :).  On Wednesday morning, Kevin and Lily got up and went to the Payson Utah Temple.  I had been wanting Lily to get to go to the Payson Temple ever since I knew it was being built, because she was born in Payson.  She was able to do baptisms at the temple, and then on the way back, he drove her past the hospital she was born in.

After they were finished at the temple, we headed to BYU campus.  

First, we had to go to the Bean Museum, or the "Animal Museum," as Arthur calls it.  Then we headed down to the Wilkenson Center, so that we could wish my niece, Melanie, a happy birthday.  She even gave us cupcakes, and we gave her an ear warmer that Kevin crocheted for her :).  Kevin also had to make a stop at his special spot, over by the library.  He spent lots of time sitting there when he was going to BYU.

On Wednesday night, we had quite the surprise up our sleeve for Lily.  One of her very favorite authors is Richard Paul Evans, the author of the Michael Vey books.  Well, he just happens to be Tony's uncle.  When we were visiting them another time, she found that out and was amazed.  Tony sent his uncle a picture of Lily, his "biggest fan," holding one of his books.  When he saw it, he told Tony that he would love to meet her, and so we made it happen.  

What a surprise, and she was in heaven!  She asked him a million questions, told him about the book that she is writing, and the fan fiction she wrote.  He was so enchanted by her, and her enthusiasm for his books, that he printed off some pages for the book  that is getting published later this year, and then he read them to her.  It was amazing, and she was so happy with it all!  What a once in a lifetime experience!  And to top it off, he then took one of the sheets from his manuscript and autographed it for her (and one fore Derek too).  Wow!  (And lets not forget that he showed us all his office and the secret door in his bookshelf to a napping room.  So awesome!)

The next day, it was time to head back to Idaho, and we were so sad to say goodbye to the Steele family.  On our way out of town, we had to make a few stops - one of which was to Waffle Love, since Kevin had never been there and needed to experience the goodness.  It was just as delicious and wonderful as it was the other times I have been :).

After our delicious breakfast, we headed back to Twin Falls.  It was a wonderful little trip to Utah, and we had so much fun with Katie and Tony and their family.  It was the perfect addition to our spring break.